good for the heart.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "that was good for my heart?" Well, I feel that way about a lot of different things...like when I see my college roommates or when I get to spend time with my mama, or when I get to eat a Skin's hot dog. If you are from Belton or Anderson, SC then you know exactly what I am referring to and why that would be good for anyone's heart.

So...in my ADD adventure of attempting to clean the house I stopped at my computer (which is on the way to the bathroom that I need to finish cleaning) I thought "I'll buy Naomi some fun songs to listen to in the car." So first, I bought Phillip Phillips song "Home" (for me) and then I attempted to buy kids worship songs that would be pleasant for both her and I to listen to in the car or at home...which leads me to the purpose of the blog...my mind went to different memories of Summer Children's Camp at Second Baptist Church, Vacation Bible School songs, Back Yard Bible Club, and Miss Lou's day care. It's funny how different things trigger memories in people. 

I want Naomi to LOVE music and LOVE to sing the way her mama does so I also bought a few songs from the Sound of Music. That movie brings back so many good memories for me. I remember watching it at my Great-Grandmother's house (Nanny Bobo) when I was a child. We would watch that movie and My Fair Lady over and over. I wanted to be a great singer like everyone in all of the movies. She would make me and egg sandwich and we would watch the movies together. I am fortunate that I was able to grow up knowing my great-grandmother. She was around for most of my life. I can hear her say my name now, "May-gon" is how she pronounced my name. Her voice was sweet and southern. She had a way about her that made me want to stay there. I love when I get to go home to SC to visit. I love driving around and sometimes I drive past her old house....and think "just seeing her house warms my heart."

It's different when you live in a different state than the one you grew up in. I think I almost took for granted the small things. Life is a lot slower in Belton and that was a good thing. I miss the 4 red lights, the school that I went to and taught had the privilege of teaching at, my old church, Pea Creek Road, the drive home, the simplicity of my mama's house, precious time with my grandmother, football games, church choir, I could go on and on...it's just good for my heart to be there. 

photo taken by: herdintheupstate

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/62905747

Today.

Today is Naomi's first birthday. So many emotions came in, reminding me of the past year and of the nine months I carried her in my belly. I think I have experienced almost every emotion in this short year of her life. Panic...we're pregnant! Joy...We're pregnant! Fear...This baby is coming out of me? Relief...Get this baby out of me! Joy...look at this beautiful baby we made. Sadness...when my mom left us after a few weeks of staying with us when we came home from the hospital. How would I do this without her? Confusion...I don't know why she is crying. Worry...why is her temperature so high? Peace...she's asleep! Peace...holding her, right here, right now is exactly where I need to be. Longing...waiting to come home to her. Peace...when I see her, part of me is complete again. Those are just a few of the feelings I have experienced with my beautiful baby girl.

 I never knew I could love someone with such a deep of a love as this. The kind of love that you would sacrifice anything for. The kind of love that let's someone throw up on you. The kind of love that doesn't care to get woken up in the middle of the night. The kind of love that feels distant when you are not together. Now I know how my mom feels.

 When I was pregnant, I couldn't imagine what life would be like with a baby. Well, do you blame me? I've never had a baby before. I worried a lot about different things. But through everything, God has provided for me. Just like He always has. I didn't cry today. I thought I might after realizing like the baby Dreft commercial says, "You only have a baby for a year." Thanks Dreft, way to make all moms feel great. Instead of tears of joy or just missing the year that we have had, I was filled with joy. I have loved every minute of this baby girl and I wouldn't trade any moment for anything. She is not only my daughter, but she has become my best friend. Yes, I said best friend. I know she is only one, but we have fun together...like best friends do. Okay, now I am crying.

 My thoughts on writing this was to write her a letter. But then I remembered she couldn't read. So one day I will read this to her and hope she understands how her mommy feels. But, she will probably say, "moooom" and write her little girl a letter like this one day and say..mom, now I understand.

 Naomi,
 I always new I wanted to be a mama. I mean what girl doesn't? Who doesn't play with baby dolls? I know you don't care about baby dolls unless you can put the baby doll in your mouth, but one day you will love them. You will want to dress them up, push them around in a stroller, feed them, change their fake poop, put them to bed, drop them off at the baby sitter, kiss them, and put them to bed. Having you as a baby is like having a real live baby doll.

 I have loved you from the moment you were in my belly. Was I nervous? Yes, about many things. Was Dad nervous, yes. Were my grandparents nervous, yes. I'm sure when you have a baby one day I will be nervous too. Time healed being nervous and slowly turned into love. I thought I loved you when you were in my belly, but when I saw you...you were MY baby. Not like a baby doll that I use to play with, but a real live baby. We bonded in the hospital when I nursed you and I loved every moment of being able to nurse you. It was something that I could give you, something that you really needed me for.

 I remember one night waking up at 3:00am and hearing your grunt. You didn't really cry. You just would always grunt. I got up, picked you up from your rock in play...looked at my ipad, sat down in the rocking chair, set the timer and nursed you. In that moment something hit me out of know where. It was then I knew I loved you like I never knew I could. I felt so connected to you and loved your tiny hands and little lips.

 Time went on and you began to do different things. I remember when you finally made eye contact with me. It was incredible. I remember the first time I made you laugh...I though..she really does like me! I remember lots of things and they really have all happened so fast.

When I would tell people your name, most everyone would pronounce it wrong, but that's okay. I named you after a woman in the Bible, Naomi. I named you after her because of her great faith in Her God, our God. It has always been my prayer for you that you would have an unwaivering faith. That you would know Jesus Christ and LIVE for him. That you wouldn't just "know about him" but that His love would consume you and that you would never doubt His love for you...that through everything your Faith in Christ through His life, death, burial, and resurrection, would shine for all to see. I love you Naomi. Happy Birthday!
                                                                                                       Love,
                                                                                                           Mama