The story of us.

I don't write about many things on my blog. The topics stay the same...my husband, my daughter, and my family back home. Great intro, I know. Incase you are wondering I was never a great writer...shocking I know. On my first ever College paper (In class...might I add...TIMED) I scored not just an F, but an F+. Mom, if you are reading this I'm sure never told you that...so, sorry. School had never been my thing and that in itself is why I became a teacher. I wanted to help students learn. Anyways, enough with the academic talk. 

Today, November 27th, is the day that Bobby Reynolds asked me to be his wife. What a day that was! There is actually a lot too this story, really a lot to our story that some people know all to well. If you haven't heard it before, today is your day. I must warn you though, it is going to be long. 

Once upon a time there was a girl who lived far, far way from Kentucky. She loved all things missions.....okay. Seriously. I use to struggle with my salvation, whether or not I was truly saved. One day God gave me an amazing confirmation that could have only come from him and after that moment something happened in my heart that could only be explained by God. I remember a washing of peace that came over me like a flood as The Lord spoke to me and said, "You are mine. Salvation belongs to me and nothing will ever change my love for you."  Something in my heart said in response, "I want others who have never heard to know this love ." So, I ended up in the Philippines not once, but twice. The second time I went Bobby was there....and so the story goes....

I came early to the Philippines to train for being a team leader. We were there about a week before the teammates came. I remember the day we went to pick up about 52 Nehemiah Team members. I rode with the missionary Jess. We talked about life and the upcoming summer...all the while my husband was waiting for me at the airport. 

We pulled up to the airport and it began to rain...and when I say rain I mean monsoon. We quickly put things on the jeepny (Google it) and got ready to ride back to training. I remember looking at him and thinking....he's cute and then immediately thinking...this is not what I came for. However, little did I know, it wasn't what I came for, but it was one reason God brought me there. 

As we rode back to where we were all staying, I thought of a lot of things...how was I going to lead a team of girls in Manila...how was the orphanage going to be....I love the Philippines...now, who is this boy...

When we got back to our hotel, it was still pouring down rain and being the "leader"  I managed to carry luggage off the jeepny and into the hotel. Later that night the missionaries took us to dinner. The leaders were okay, but the recent team members were a little jet lagged. I remember walking to the place we were going to eat at...I always somehow had a sense of where he was in relation to where I was walking. I sat down at a table and looked up and there was bobby. Now this "look" was different than anything I have ever experienced. I felt something immediately. It was very weird. 

We all talked about where we were from, if we were in college (I was one of the only ones with a job..I was teaching first grade) and if we were dating anyone. I was not in a relationship and neither was Bobby. So the story continues....

After several meetings, we went to camp for team building, bible study and so on. Bobby picked to be on my obstacle course team. Figures. Also, this day my stomach was upset and we had to zip line, walk on a moving log in the air, and jump off a 40 ft pole....all the while Bobby was on my team and I feared of pooping on myself. You will be glad to know that I did not. 

On the last night of orientation we ate ice cream. I sat beside Bobby and I asked him how far South Carolina was from Kentucky. He commented 500 miles.....500 miles. 

We all went our separate ways for the summer. I went to Manila and he went to 

Camotes. We didn't see each other for 2 months. He found me on Facebook and when we got the chance to email we would write back and forth. 

After two months we met back at the same hotel for debrief. Needless to say I was nervous and was unsure of how he felt about me. It was awkward and we didn't speak a lot to each other. We finally ended up hanging out with our friends in a group and got a chance to talk and laugh. I told him that if he didn't want anything from this to tell me. He said he did and wanted to pursue me when we got back go the states. 

It came time for us to all leave. I hated leaving the Philippines. I love the people so much. Maybe one day we will go back or we will adopt a baby from there. (Yeah, bobby?!)

 It ended up that we we were able to choose our seats on the 16 hour plane ride (not including stopping in Hong Kong). Bobby asked if we could sit together and I said, "I don't care" as I shrugged by shoulders. We sat together and you could say we had out first date on the first flight. We watched the sunset and ate airplane food. 

Then came the 16 hour flight. It was sweet getting to sit by him. He reached for my hand and we held hands on the way home. He kissed my forehead and I was so shocked. (Haha) After the plane ride was over I was sad, nervous, and a little confused. I doubted that Bobby even liked me. It was all too good to be true. We said bye and went our separate ways from LAX. 

Bobby called me that day and we talked non stop. He came to see me a week later, kissed me, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. 

We dated LONG distance year and a half. It was in one word "bittersweet." I think if I asked Bobby to give one word to describe it he would say awful. I'm sure of it.

Some people know the struggle I had. It was a struggle. I had terrible anxiety which led to depression. It didn't add up. I met this great guy but had anxiety. What didn't realize was that I always had anxiety but it never had a name for me. It was just always a part of me. I went to counseling during the time we dated. I loved bobby with everything in me but I was so anxious. I didn't know how to deal with my anxiety. It took a while for me to realize that nothing was "wrong" with me. It was something that had developed over time...a long time. It manifested itself in different situations for me. Anyone could say something to me and I would be stuck on it for days. I couldn't let anything go. My anxiety went untreated and led to depression. I eventually got on medication. It was Gods grace to me in that moment. I sought The Lord and he heard my cry. If you have never experienced intense anxiety it's hard to explain the feeling. It can't be explained. God used so many people in my life to get me through it. I learned so much during that time. I should take that back...it's hard to learn from The Lord in the moment. Looking back I can see how God saw me. He is El Roi, the God who sees. He is God and I am not. He took care of me. I was a woman of God who struggled with anxiety and depression and that's okay. 

Job 2:9-10

9 Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die."

10 But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

1 Peter 5:10

10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

During this hard time, we use to sing this song in choir and I would tear up every time. 

"Many are they increased that troubled me

Many are they that rise up against me

Many there be which say of my soul

There is no help for him in God

But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me

My glory and the lifter of my head

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me

My glory and the lifter of my head

I cried unto the Lord with my voice

And he heard me out of His holy hill

I laid me down and slept and awaked

For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me" 

-Brooklyn Tabernacle choir 

The day before we got engaged was the worst day of my life. I didn't know how i felt about anything. I was afraid. I went to spend the night with my parents. The next day, Bobby showed up to ask me to be his bride. If that isn't Gods mercy then I don't know what is.  A lot has changed since that time in my life. I am by no means in any shape like I was in the past, but I would be prideful if I said I never struggled ever again with anything and we all lived happily ever after. I do struggle from time to time with anxiety but it does not have a hold on my life the way it use to. I continue to be an overcomer with Gods power living in me. Medicine, counseling, friends are good but God has been better. He is the reason for all things. 

God gave me bobby. He gave him to me as a gift. Bobby tenderly cared for me in my darkest hours. When we got married we danced to a song by Dave Barnes...it goes like this....

Darling, we're both scared

But where love is, fear won't tread

All of these friends here agree

We're right where we should be

Underneath all you're white

My Lady, My Love, My Bride

In your darkest hours

Will I love you still?

I have and I always will

I guess it's because I just do

Following heaven's clues

This is a big mystery

How I found you found me

Underneath all you're white

My Lady, My Love, My Bride

In your darkest hours

Will I love you still?

I have and I always will

And you are changing now

Your part of me somehow

And I will never be alone

In your darkest hours

Will I love you still?

I have and I always will

I have and I always will

Bobby,

Thank you for asking me to be your bride. Thank you for pursuing me and loving me. I have and I always will love you. I'm so quick to forget our love story just like I forget the gospel from day to day. I love you so much. You are my love. 

Love,

Mae

good for the heart.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "that was good for my heart?" Well, I feel that way about a lot of different things...like when I see my college roommates or when I get to spend time with my mama, or when I get to eat a Skin's hot dog. If you are from Belton or Anderson, SC then you know exactly what I am referring to and why that would be good for anyone's heart.

So...in my ADD adventure of attempting to clean the house I stopped at my computer (which is on the way to the bathroom that I need to finish cleaning) I thought "I'll buy Naomi some fun songs to listen to in the car." So first, I bought Phillip Phillips song "Home" (for me) and then I attempted to buy kids worship songs that would be pleasant for both her and I to listen to in the car or at home...which leads me to the purpose of the blog...my mind went to different memories of Summer Children's Camp at Second Baptist Church, Vacation Bible School songs, Back Yard Bible Club, and Miss Lou's day care. It's funny how different things trigger memories in people. 

I want Naomi to LOVE music and LOVE to sing the way her mama does so I also bought a few songs from the Sound of Music. That movie brings back so many good memories for me. I remember watching it at my Great-Grandmother's house (Nanny Bobo) when I was a child. We would watch that movie and My Fair Lady over and over. I wanted to be a great singer like everyone in all of the movies. She would make me and egg sandwich and we would watch the movies together. I am fortunate that I was able to grow up knowing my great-grandmother. She was around for most of my life. I can hear her say my name now, "May-gon" is how she pronounced my name. Her voice was sweet and southern. She had a way about her that made me want to stay there. I love when I get to go home to SC to visit. I love driving around and sometimes I drive past her old house....and think "just seeing her house warms my heart."

It's different when you live in a different state than the one you grew up in. I think I almost took for granted the small things. Life is a lot slower in Belton and that was a good thing. I miss the 4 red lights, the school that I went to and taught had the privilege of teaching at, my old church, Pea Creek Road, the drive home, the simplicity of my mama's house, precious time with my grandmother, football games, church choir, I could go on and on...it's just good for my heart to be there. 

photo taken by: herdintheupstate

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/62905747

Today.

Today is Naomi's first birthday. So many emotions came in, reminding me of the past year and of the nine months I carried her in my belly. I think I have experienced almost every emotion in this short year of her life. Panic...we're pregnant! Joy...We're pregnant! Fear...This baby is coming out of me? Relief...Get this baby out of me! Joy...look at this beautiful baby we made. Sadness...when my mom left us after a few weeks of staying with us when we came home from the hospital. How would I do this without her? Confusion...I don't know why she is crying. Worry...why is her temperature so high? Peace...she's asleep! Peace...holding her, right here, right now is exactly where I need to be. Longing...waiting to come home to her. Peace...when I see her, part of me is complete again. Those are just a few of the feelings I have experienced with my beautiful baby girl.

 I never knew I could love someone with such a deep of a love as this. The kind of love that you would sacrifice anything for. The kind of love that let's someone throw up on you. The kind of love that doesn't care to get woken up in the middle of the night. The kind of love that feels distant when you are not together. Now I know how my mom feels.

 When I was pregnant, I couldn't imagine what life would be like with a baby. Well, do you blame me? I've never had a baby before. I worried a lot about different things. But through everything, God has provided for me. Just like He always has. I didn't cry today. I thought I might after realizing like the baby Dreft commercial says, "You only have a baby for a year." Thanks Dreft, way to make all moms feel great. Instead of tears of joy or just missing the year that we have had, I was filled with joy. I have loved every minute of this baby girl and I wouldn't trade any moment for anything. She is not only my daughter, but she has become my best friend. Yes, I said best friend. I know she is only one, but we have fun together...like best friends do. Okay, now I am crying.

 My thoughts on writing this was to write her a letter. But then I remembered she couldn't read. So one day I will read this to her and hope she understands how her mommy feels. But, she will probably say, "moooom" and write her little girl a letter like this one day and say..mom, now I understand.

 Naomi,
 I always new I wanted to be a mama. I mean what girl doesn't? Who doesn't play with baby dolls? I know you don't care about baby dolls unless you can put the baby doll in your mouth, but one day you will love them. You will want to dress them up, push them around in a stroller, feed them, change their fake poop, put them to bed, drop them off at the baby sitter, kiss them, and put them to bed. Having you as a baby is like having a real live baby doll.

 I have loved you from the moment you were in my belly. Was I nervous? Yes, about many things. Was Dad nervous, yes. Were my grandparents nervous, yes. I'm sure when you have a baby one day I will be nervous too. Time healed being nervous and slowly turned into love. I thought I loved you when you were in my belly, but when I saw you...you were MY baby. Not like a baby doll that I use to play with, but a real live baby. We bonded in the hospital when I nursed you and I loved every moment of being able to nurse you. It was something that I could give you, something that you really needed me for.

 I remember one night waking up at 3:00am and hearing your grunt. You didn't really cry. You just would always grunt. I got up, picked you up from your rock in play...looked at my ipad, sat down in the rocking chair, set the timer and nursed you. In that moment something hit me out of know where. It was then I knew I loved you like I never knew I could. I felt so connected to you and loved your tiny hands and little lips.

 Time went on and you began to do different things. I remember when you finally made eye contact with me. It was incredible. I remember the first time I made you laugh...I though..she really does like me! I remember lots of things and they really have all happened so fast.

When I would tell people your name, most everyone would pronounce it wrong, but that's okay. I named you after a woman in the Bible, Naomi. I named you after her because of her great faith in Her God, our God. It has always been my prayer for you that you would have an unwaivering faith. That you would know Jesus Christ and LIVE for him. That you wouldn't just "know about him" but that His love would consume you and that you would never doubt His love for you...that through everything your Faith in Christ through His life, death, burial, and resurrection, would shine for all to see. I love you Naomi. Happy Birthday!
                                                                                                       Love,
                                                                                                           Mama