I don't write about many things on my blog. The topics stay the same...my husband, my daughter, and my family back home. Great intro, I know. Incase you are wondering I was never a great writer...shocking I know. On my first ever College paper (In class...might I add...TIMED) I scored not just an F, but an F+. Mom, if you are reading this I'm sure never told you that...so, sorry. School had never been my thing and that in itself is why I became a teacher. I wanted to help students learn. Anyways, enough with the academic talk.
Today, November 27th, is the day that Bobby Reynolds asked me to be his wife. What a day that was! There is actually a lot too this story, really a lot to our story that some people know all to well. If you haven't heard it before, today is your day. I must warn you though, it is going to be long.
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived far, far way from Kentucky. She loved all things missions.....okay. Seriously. I use to struggle with my salvation, whether or not I was truly saved. One day God gave me an amazing confirmation that could have only come from him and after that moment something happened in my heart that could only be explained by God. I remember a washing of peace that came over me like a flood as The Lord spoke to me and said, "You are mine. Salvation belongs to me and nothing will ever change my love for you." Something in my heart said in response, "I want others who have never heard to know this love ." So, I ended up in the Philippines not once, but twice. The second time I went Bobby was there....and so the story goes....
I came early to the Philippines to train for being a team leader. We were there about a week before the teammates came. I remember the day we went to pick up about 52 Nehemiah Team members. I rode with the missionary Jess. We talked about life and the upcoming summer...all the while my husband was waiting for me at the airport.
We pulled up to the airport and it began to rain...and when I say rain I mean monsoon. We quickly put things on the jeepny (Google it) and got ready to ride back to training. I remember looking at him and thinking....he's cute and then immediately thinking...this is not what I came for. However, little did I know, it wasn't what I came for, but it was one reason God brought me there.
As we rode back to where we were all staying, I thought of a lot of things...how was I going to lead a team of girls in Manila...how was the orphanage going to be....I love the Philippines...now, who is this boy...
When we got back to our hotel, it was still pouring down rain and being the "leader" I managed to carry luggage off the jeepny and into the hotel. Later that night the missionaries took us to dinner. The leaders were okay, but the recent team members were a little jet lagged. I remember walking to the place we were going to eat at...I always somehow had a sense of where he was in relation to where I was walking. I sat down at a table and looked up and there was bobby. Now this "look" was different than anything I have ever experienced. I felt something immediately. It was very weird.
We all talked about where we were from, if we were in college (I was one of the only ones with a job..I was teaching first grade) and if we were dating anyone. I was not in a relationship and neither was Bobby. So the story continues....
After several meetings, we went to camp for team building, bible study and so on. Bobby picked to be on my obstacle course team. Figures. Also, this day my stomach was upset and we had to zip line, walk on a moving log in the air, and jump off a 40 ft pole....all the while Bobby was on my team and I feared of pooping on myself. You will be glad to know that I did not.
On the last night of orientation we ate ice cream. I sat beside Bobby and I asked him how far South Carolina was from Kentucky. He commented 500 miles.....500 miles.
We all went our separate ways for the summer. I went to Manila and he went to
Camotes. We didn't see each other for 2 months. He found me on Facebook and when we got the chance to email we would write back and forth.
After two months we met back at the same hotel for debrief. Needless to say I was nervous and was unsure of how he felt about me. It was awkward and we didn't speak a lot to each other. We finally ended up hanging out with our friends in a group and got a chance to talk and laugh. I told him that if he didn't want anything from this to tell me. He said he did and wanted to pursue me when we got back go the states.
It came time for us to all leave. I hated leaving the Philippines. I love the people so much. Maybe one day we will go back or we will adopt a baby from there. (Yeah, bobby?!)
It ended up that we we were able to choose our seats on the 16 hour plane ride (not including stopping in Hong Kong). Bobby asked if we could sit together and I said, "I don't care" as I shrugged by shoulders. We sat together and you could say we had out first date on the first flight. We watched the sunset and ate airplane food.
Then came the 16 hour flight. It was sweet getting to sit by him. He reached for my hand and we held hands on the way home. He kissed my forehead and I was so shocked. (Haha) After the plane ride was over I was sad, nervous, and a little confused. I doubted that Bobby even liked me. It was all too good to be true. We said bye and went our separate ways from LAX.
Bobby called me that day and we talked non stop. He came to see me a week later, kissed me, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.
We dated LONG distance year and a half. It was in one word "bittersweet." I think if I asked Bobby to give one word to describe it he would say awful. I'm sure of it.
Some people know the struggle I had. It was a struggle. I had terrible anxiety which led to depression. It didn't add up. I met this great guy but had anxiety. What didn't realize was that I always had anxiety but it never had a name for me. It was just always a part of me. I went to counseling during the time we dated. I loved bobby with everything in me but I was so anxious. I didn't know how to deal with my anxiety. It took a while for me to realize that nothing was "wrong" with me. It was something that had developed over time...a long time. It manifested itself in different situations for me. Anyone could say something to me and I would be stuck on it for days. I couldn't let anything go. My anxiety went untreated and led to depression. I eventually got on medication. It was Gods grace to me in that moment. I sought The Lord and he heard my cry. If you have never experienced intense anxiety it's hard to explain the feeling. It can't be explained. God used so many people in my life to get me through it. I learned so much during that time. I should take that back...it's hard to learn from The Lord in the moment. Looking back I can see how God saw me. He is El Roi, the God who sees. He is God and I am not. He took care of me. I was a woman of God who struggled with anxiety and depression and that's okay.
Job 2:9-10
9 Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die."
10 But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
1 Peter 5:10
10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
During this hard time, we use to sing this song in choir and I would tear up every time.
"Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God
But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me"
-Brooklyn Tabernacle choir
The day before we got engaged was the worst day of my life. I didn't know how i felt about anything. I was afraid. I went to spend the night with my parents. The next day, Bobby showed up to ask me to be his bride. If that isn't Gods mercy then I don't know what is. A lot has changed since that time in my life. I am by no means in any shape like I was in the past, but I would be prideful if I said I never struggled ever again with anything and we all lived happily ever after. I do struggle from time to time with anxiety but it does not have a hold on my life the way it use to. I continue to be an overcomer with Gods power living in me. Medicine, counseling, friends are good but God has been better. He is the reason for all things.
God gave me bobby. He gave him to me as a gift. Bobby tenderly cared for me in my darkest hours. When we got married we danced to a song by Dave Barnes...it goes like this....
Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be
Underneath all you're white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still?
I have and I always will
I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found you found me
Underneath all you're white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still?
I have and I always will
And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still?
I have and I always will
I have and I always will
Bobby,
Thank you for asking me to be your bride. Thank you for pursuing me and loving me. I have and I always will love you. I'm so quick to forget our love story just like I forget the gospel from day to day. I love you so much. You are my love.
Love,
Mae
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